Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm Giving You My Dreams

I love the song "Surrender" by Marc James. This line falls partway through the first verse: "I'm giving you my dreams." I remember the first time that line became intensely personal to me. Joel and I were engaged, and he had been deployed in Cuba for 10 months. As you can imagine, I had been dreaming about and imagining his homecoming. Then there was a hurricane, and I received word that he would be delayed. It would be a brief delay, a few days at most, but I was bitterly disappointed and having a hard time with it emotionally. God reminded me of that line in the song, and He asked me if I was willing to give him my dreams and trust that His plan was best. After all, He was in control of the weather! And so I did. (For those wondering how it turned out, Joel was only delayed by one day. Some of my girlfriends came over on the evening of the day he was originally scheduled to return, and we had a wonderful time! I wouldn't go back and change it if I could.)

"I'm giving you my dreams" has once again become the line upon which surrender hinges. It seems that there's something wrong with my baby boy, and we don't yet know what. Is he blind? Brain damaged? Autistic? God is asking me to give him my dreams about Caleb, and it's quite difficult. If I have to, can I give up the dream of that little boy running to give me a hug? Watching out the back window while Joel teaches him to throw a football? Gathering in the living room on a Sunday afternoon to cheer on the Chicago Bears? I may not have to give up those dreams, but if it becomes necessary, can I do it? Really, there's no choice. Or more accurately, the choice has already been made. Unless I abandon everything I believe, I have to surrender those dreams to the Lord and trust that He is good and wise and sovereign. His plans for Joel and Caleb and me are best, even if I don't understand them. "I'm giving you my dreams."

1 comment:

April Emery said...

i am praying for you guys. it's so hard to give God all of our hopes and expectations. my heart is sad for you all, but at the same time confident that you will trust Him with everything and find amazing treasures during your journey. love you all!